April 14 2012
Out there in the universe, she’s there –
My partner soul.
I know her love is steady; mine is too. .
The day feels empty as I sense the air around me –
Her energy’s not there.
Her smile, her touch, her humor and her words,
Her sprightly made up songs — spontaneous and witty,
The interchange of love between us all – the dogs and her and me and other friends –
All these are absent.
It’s as if the world’s gone silent all around me,
As if I still see the motion and the color, but they’ve lost their glue —
The strands of sound and heart that animate and unify and give a solid texture to the passing time.
We are being sculpted in this trial by distance. I know we’ll find new strength and joy.
But In alone retreat, I’m unmoored; I float in time; I don’t feel like me.
In silence, I await release, return – homecoming.
I am filled with gratitude that my beloved and I often can enjoy pieces of our days and nights together. Her prolonged absence – a two week class in Germany while I stay here – highlights the animation in the times we are together. Then, we benefit from deep sharing, humor, flashes of insight, and the mutual trust and treasuring that mark our love for each other. This time, ticking by inexorable moment by unvarying second, will pass, like every moment. I can only wait patiently in the silence of hope, and faith, and love.